The Heart of God: When I Don’t Understand

Written/Pictures by Judiht Hilares Soto ; Art by Alegria Grijalva

Who hasn’t felt like life pulls you away from your goals, no matter how hard you try?

Sometimes, not understanding is the hardest part.

There is a kind of faith that walks through those questions. Quietly. This is not because it has answers But because it keeps choosing to show up.

This time, some of our graduating students from Passaic County Community College: Mirla Mesa, Luis Perez, Georgia Wint, Kiara Montoya, Ashley, Layla and Christian S., shared with me the life lessons that helped them keep walking even on those moments when nothing seemed certain. They spoke genuinely of quiet courage, invisible battles, and the grace it takes to not give up.

Art by Alegria Grijalva

Mirla walks with that kind of faith. During this stage of college, her family was far away. She felt she had a lonely journey. It has been six long years. But one classmate told her: “Keep going and never give up.” Even when it didn’t make sense, she went through the slow process, step by step, and she did. Even when she didn’t feel strong.

Luis still hears his father’s voice: “If you’re going to be something, always do your best.” So, he did. Even when it was hard. Even when he felt nothing around him got easier.

Georgia’s professors reminded her: “Take one thing at a time. Ask questions. Take care of yourself.” So, she slowed down. Because sometimes faith looks like breathing deeply and asking for help.

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Proverbs 3:5 says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.”

That verse was not written for people who have all the answers. It was written for people like you and me, who cry in silence at any point in our lives. It was written for people who whisper in the dark: “Jesus, please help me.” Even when our faith could waver in difficult moments, she decided to still believe, because she knew that he would never let go.

Ashley learned to keep going and wait for results she couldn’t see. Even when she felt she could not, she continued. She gave herself space to enjoy the process.

Kiara learned that being a student is not the same as being a learner. She told us: “If you feel overwhelmed, don’t keep it inside. It’s okay to ask for help.”

God never said we would understand everything. But he did say we could trust him. He is the only safe space.

Laila De Jesus

Looking back, Layla would tell herself: “You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Do life at your own speed.” “He will be there for me. I’m a work in progress, don’t let tradition block your faith, or ask for help. Ask for help when you need!”

God does not judge your journey by speed. He looks at your trust, your heart, and your effort.

Jesus is not limited by human traditions. He is the truth. John 14:6, and he calls us to live in freedom through it, because he loves us.

Each person would carry something different, but what truly sustains us is what we carry in our spirit.

Christian Sandoval

Christian S. also carries something deep within. He remembers the day his mother told him how proud she was that he continued and finished college. That encouragement gave him strength when classes got hard.

“If you feel like giving up,” he says, “Remember the pain is temporary. Once the classes are done, it gets easier.”

If he could go back, he’d tell his younger self: “Finish college as early as you can before life fills up with responsibilities. It gets harder when you return later. Working while your peers don’t have to and responsibilities compete for your focus”

But above all, Christian says this: “My faith in God helped me tremendously. He gave me the encouragement and power I needed, not just to come back to school, but to stay focused, to finish, and to believe in myself. Without him, I wouldn’t even have had the determination to try.”

So now, my dear reader, whatever challenge you are going through, if you still feel like you are in “work in progress” mode, what would you take with you to remind you who you are, even when you do not understand?

Jesus once said: “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed… you can move mountains.” (Matthew 17:20)

So today… Even when nothing makes sense, trust. Even when no one notices love. Even when your heart is tired, believe.

God sees you with LOVE, and he wants to hear your beautiful voice. 

And that… is enough.